Wall Street Players Win or Lose She Wanted Her Mans Love Documented

screenshot_2016-11-16-19-31-29-1WALL STREET PLAYERS WIN OR LOSE

She Wanted Her Mans Love Documented

She built her empire alone. Her attempts to finding true love depleted her heart torn, her hopes for marriage gone. Her life was about her in her mansion she called home. The home she’d dreamed for, bought and paid for, attracted The Wall Street Players for. The men she craved for and hoped to die for. She traded them like Trading-Stocks-Options she hungered for the right one, as they walked in and out her fabulous doors.  She was greedy for love. When it came to loving a man, she had become impatiently frantic. All her life she was a diehard romantic. She desired a relationship lacking tear-jerker breakup drama. The dramatic scenes that made couples call it quits from lover’s panic.

       She was a strong woman who needed a strong man to understand. Throwing all discretion to the winds she declared rules for her men. Broken persistence and love obstacles she stood tall for her womanhood, all she asked of her men was to be understood.  She had rules that scared most players away, protecting her heart of gold and securing her hard-earned bank-roll. The players she would attract treated her like commodity like she could be bought or sold. They wouldn’t listen to detail, couldn’t please her passionate mind, wouldn’t stare into her eyes, couldn’t see straight through her heart and feel her loving soul.

 Her Wall Street loves win or lose were good lovers but wouldn’t invest in love not even when the stocks were high they couldn’t choose. To them her extreme guidelines and technicalities in loving her had unexpected repercussions. Withholding sex! Rich men were walking out on her, saying, farewell, so long, goodbye to her bold aggression.

           She knew from past experiences every relationship created a system that at times could be broken down. A couple may have to compose them-selves and back away before they drown. Her delicate nature, was Fed-Up, that she had to try and try and try. Repeatedly her men strayed-a-way from her alternative test. One of those, let’s get married or break up trials; see how you like being without me deals, her men thought she was full of post-relation mess. Something players would never confess, feeling what she feels and acknowledge her test.

        She knew the test wasn’t for everyone, she had witnessed relationships fall apart and die. The test is not a game, lie detector, tie-up, tie-down or hanky-panky-spy. The test is allowed within fair reason, fortune or fame.  (A man better come to the table with some tests without shame.) In the game of love and war you can lose everything with anyone but you to blame. Her men didn’t like it when she put her foot down and exposed the test but she was determined to find one true man, and forget the rest.

     Her relationships had been all about her pleasing her men and their wants and desires up to her breaking point.  She was looking for a man who would tell her he wanted to please her in every way. She wasn’t finding anyone in the Wall Street Players Club one by one her relationships collected casualties she slain and slayed.

      To her the test wasn’t about control, she was determined to win over the man for her. The man that could touch her heart and win over the fire in her soul.

First, she warned all her smooth talking coldhearted players; “I have given you the best of my love and our relationship isn’t going anywhere. I assume you love me because you’re here and loving me is your goal.”  her men actions answered, forget your test, I don’t fit the mold.

       It’s a woman’s business to find out where she stands. She wasn’t withholding sex on purpose to make them suffer at hand; she was suffering too, being without her true man. It was her life, her body, and it was her test. She wanted something to offer the man that would ask for her hand, she was undeniable sticking to her plan. She would say; “LOOK! Take some initiative, test me, turn me upside down and check for fleas. Whatever it takes to convince you to move forward in this relationship. Stop playing these games give me a ring, get down on one knee. Ask me, please?”

       Man, after man she would get in their faces, LAID DOWN THE LAW and prayed they would agree. “Seriously! Are you ready to go all the way in our relationship? I’m talking marriage not oral sex. Love and devotion is what I expect.”  She wanted her man’s love documented and acknowledged and couldn’t get one man to pass her test.

      She wanted papers on her man and his word.  A man’s word of honesty fills a woman emptiness and her love craving night after night she preferred his word. She needed to know the truth about how he was feeling to make their romance feel right. When a man doesn’t feel the same he should say what he feels instead of talking at all and acting uptight.

     So, for the last time she explained before her last ex departed; “Everything we’ve gone through wasn’t all about you. Understand? When you have a woman like me who’s being true to her nature I can’t let you lay up night after night, year after year, and never talk or plan a future together. Love is contentment not a command. All you want to do is disagree and that leads to all night fights. We’re missing out on so much love we can both enjoy as a couple; I want love at first sight. When you lead me to assume I’m yours, that’s not right. When I don’t hear your words of love or witness your actions of a love connection between us, the relationship is built on my assumptions—because you’re here every night.

        You’re here because I love you without fear. My assumptions are pure—I want you to love me. This love affair is about you and me. Am I making myself clear? I’m giving you 100%. I’m trying with all my might. Can’t you see? I need something to sustain me to keep letting you amuse yourself in and out of my love and not laying any foundation.  Commit to me. Let’s have the, “How many babies do you want?” conversation. A true man doesn’t allow his woman to carried the weight of a one-sided relationship. Waiting until her man is man enough to step up to the plate and confess his love and bear the load together; and not in and out of separation. Get out! I don’t need you here, your deadweight. I’m keeping it real! Time for me to move on. I need my true love and a real conversation. I demand real affection and a true lover with a lot of appreciation. The End

        The separation test usually works, if he was the one for her he’ll be back. The separation was supposed make him miss her. Living apart should leave him feeling that he’s ready to have more than the two of them had before the test was exposed. Some men don’t know how to separate the relationship from their friend’s relationships and what’s going on in the world. Some men can’t determine the woman they’re with from another woman in their world. When a man or a woman can’t connect, there are deeper issues and a fear to open-up and to love freely. To love like you never been hurt.

          Women that are true to love have believed that since we know what we want, men should know what they want so, come clean fearful men.  You’re using the cop-out system with every excuse in the book.  What’s really-going on? Are you mentally wounded from your past and her past and everyone else’s that you’ve known to have had relationship problems? You have been exposed. You have deep trust issues. You need time to deal with them. Get over yourself and grow up! A woman love a man that can meet her half way, discuss things and come up with solutions. Decide.

Nevermind the Skeptics Dedicated to the blogger who sent hate mail to me

I’m feeling great today sitting at my desk and thinking about Everything uncivilized that plagues our lives with threats. There’s a lot of hatred going on in the world around me that do…

Source: Nevermind the Skeptics Dedicated to the blogger who sent hate mail to me

Nevermind the Skeptics Dedicated to the blogger who sent hate mail to me

I’m feeling great today sitting at my desk and thinking about Everything uncivilized that plagues our lives with threats. There’s a lot of hatred going on in the world around me that doesn’t represent my life. I’m thankful to be here still. There are so many wonderful reasons why I feel beautiful and loved it’s impossible to name them all. Encouraging healthy things that’s wholesome, clean, and pure consumes me. The beauty of life is happening in my private world. I’m keeping it real, and giving thanks to God, and my mom and dad for my mind. Our minds are the best part of us. We have to take care of it by exercising our minds with books that teaches God’s wisdom as well as knowledge. Feeding our minds with positive things as life love and happiness are needed more and more. Eating brain foods to keep the brain functioning at the best level of being civilized as possible. With heartfelt emotion and understanding for all Mankind. Nevermind the Skeptics, we are all walking miracles. The Skeptics that hate others because they’re different. Free your mind from hatred and feel the wave of  love moving, loving us all, bringing all human beings together to make us one people. God’s Love is our authority it is unconditional and lasts forever. The love that you show your family and friends is not real it doesn’t last but minute to minute. You can’t love one people and hate the other, your love is fake. Love conquers hate, love conquers hate, love conquers hate. Dedicated to the blogger who sent this hate mail. You have been exposed. 

 

GOODBYE FIRST LOVE AND YOUR ABUSIVE TRADITIONS

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Goodbye, My First Love

 You discovered my innocence

I was young and beautiful

You felt my texture was soft as silk

far as your eyes could see,

At the peak of love, you asked me

to be yours. I said “Yes,”

and you became my weakness,

my husband to be

I trusted you with my life

We were the best of friends

as well as lovers

I was soon to be your wife

You told me

I was everything

you wanted in a woman

to be happy

Seeing I was a warm person

with class and style, looking at me

you were watching your sun rise

Your soul felt loved and, for the first time,

you laughed and you smiled

 

I said, “Yes,” for years

and didn’t realize it

Pleasing you made me happy

It was what I wanted to do

I agreed all those times

because it was something

I believed in. I wanted to believe in you

I want you to know we had those things

in common, we both were grown

I wasn’t trying to live up

to your expectations, I had my own

Outside of our bedroom world,

my life you tried to control.

I disagreed for the first time

and you hit me.

You went crazy when I answered

“No,” I gave you so many chances to get love right my heart grew cold

Beating me

and bossing me around became your goal

  Constantly you tried different ways

to destroy my loving soul

I was no longer satisfied or content

because I found our love wasn’t heaven sent

I was miserable and more confused

when I discovered I had been used and abused

How could you hurt me after all the love I gave?

Why do I feel guilty?

You’re the abuser with the problem!

I’m the victim needed to be saved!

You told me that you needed me

 you always said, “Baby I’m sorry” I’m sorry things happened that way

You told me

you would never again lay a hand on me.

Then you begged me to stay.

I was still too in love

to see it was all a trap

to win control, to drive me insane

so you can capture my passionate soul.

You told me I had a peaceful

love that was easy going and forgiving

Loving me was the perfect dream

You hoped that moment

could last forever

But that was just another scheme

I felt like a child again

trying desperately

to jump off a merry go around

going full speed up and down

I was aware

leaving could cost me my life

You tried to take mine

many times before

You told me I would never

be happy without you

I didn’t take any time to argue the point

I had no life with you anymore

 

I stood on my own two feet,

boldly talked up to you, anticipating,

preparing the moment, I walked out the door.

Now I’m happy

being free from your bondage and threats

The bond is broken

You can’t force me to love you

I’m not your token

You always protected me from

the world’s confusion

Now,

I need the world to protect and

keep me from your delusion

Goodbye My First,

Sweet, Bitter, Love.

I was 16 when I met my first love. If I had to do 16 over again I wouldn’t be into boys. I would be into school, books, and blogging about love. The relationship lasted for 3 years. After 1 year we were so deeply in love we couldn’t handle our emotions. The next 2 years would be total hell with good sex. We were over our heads,  breaking all the rules for love. We both were confused about our actions of being in love. Every time I broke up with him for being controlling he would stalk me. Showing up out of nowhere putting a gun to my head. He would kidnap me begging me to stay and marry him. It’s twists and turns to the story. Find out what happens when he finally pulled the trigger in my book Unfolding Souls by Oman McCullough-Fuqua coming soon.

Abusive People Are Dangerously Confused Don’t Let Your Guard Down

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Abusive People Are Dangerously Confused Don’t Let Your Guard Down

You can’t save them because they have a mental block about life and relationships. Something happened to them long before they dated you. When they say, “You make me act this way,” they believe that. But it’s simply not true. They don’t trust anyone and blame everyone for their pain because of their lack of understanding. It may be a curable sickness, or an incurable mental illness. It may be something they were born with that makes them self-centered (when everything is about them). Maybe it’s something that one or more individuals have done to them that messed them up. They can’t see any situation for what it is or you for whom you are. They always think you’re doing them wrong. It’s called a mental block because their negative mind blocks out positive thinking. They crave love badly and assume that everything they make up is genuine. Their mind is always creating an arranged love when their mind is deranged. They maintain this lifestyle because they have nothing to compare it with, no one will ever get close enough to fall romantically in love with them. No one cares to be around their abusive ways. People who believe in true love they know there’s not any comparison to the real thing, not even on TV. Abusive people have a hard time finding consensual sex. Unless they find another confused person like themselves that way they can shut one another out. Their so called romance will only last for so long before they’re trying to kill each other. Troubled people wear many disguises to get what they want. They know to go after people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. They are abusive, confused, troubled, desperate, and sick-hearted people. Once you let them into your life you will never share happiness with them, not even in a happy situation. They mess up every moment true lovers make and cherish. You may spend a lifetime getting rid of a mental and physical abuser.

They’re street-wise; they have the knowledge to brainwash and control your mind. There are different types of confused people who are so confused they don’t ask for consensual sex; they take what they want to feel gratification. I call it entrapment; they’re hunted and trapped by their own physical and mental abusers. Their abuse becomes a part of the recipe that turns humans into animals and makes them do crazy, perverted things. That is why sexual abuse, rape, and murder are committed out of rage every day. There are people that have a sick craving for true love. When that craving is denied they feel that they deserve it as much as anyone else and they take it. I’m talking about crazy people who sit up and watch love stories on TV every day—all day long, pretending they know what’s going on. As soon as the movie goes off, they start some mess over the smallest thing; they continue abusing. They didn’t learn anything because their heart is turned off. They are never apologetic for their actions, or they’re always apologetic for their actions. A apology doesn’t mean anything to a victim who’s being abused. The victim knows it’s a vicious cycle abusers repeat everyday. I pray that someday there’s a faster and more effective way to help abusive people that want help before they physically hurt someone. We must believe in a total metamorphosis for these humans that want help. We must keep the faith and believe in miracles, because these are people we take chances on—we want to love someone and share our lives with them.

Abusive people who have hurt us all with the evil they live and breathe and still can’t cry out for help, their heart is too cold. They want people to accept them as they are? Give them life or death! Yes, put a end to their misery…

Unfolding Souls Poem

Unfolding soul opens old wounds, unlocking the door to your secret life. Set free buried anger! All addictions unfold. Oppressions and obsessions unfold. Old dust has finally settled and reaches its mountains peak. Don’t wallow in it. Don’t stumble through it. Don’t stagger around it. Don’t try to climb over it. Speak to your mountain and tell it to move. Find where your strength comes from. You got to search the heavens and the earth to find you; discover what you’re looking for. Searching for a voice strong enough to allow your story to be heard. You got to represent your pride! Emotion has to come up deep down from the inside. Whatever you find to work with; work with what you got; let your soul unfold. Life is worth talking about. You’re alive! Living is all that matters, be proud. Be proud to unfold. Everybody needs to die to be born again. Let them die to be born again. Everybody needs to learn how to live again; let them learn how to walk again. Everybody doesn’t live to learn over again, or get one last chance to talk and tell the story again. Everybody has a sad story to tell that hasn’t been told. Everybody turn comes around as our lives go up and down. We win when it’s our turn to win! We lose when it’s our turn to lose. Somebody got to survive to be set free; somebody’s voice is chosen to set others free. You can’t hold back your purpose or your goals. The world can’t hide unfolding souls. Let the standing ovations carry you far beyond the mind games and the names that wounded you to the core. You were a victim of circumstances; you’ve earned your wings to soar above the crowd and all the rest of the worlds unbearable mess. Fly over! Unfolding souls! Humiliations! Scandalous lies! Spreading rumors! Your mountain was just a test! This life is a test to find out who you really are. You were born to be here; You are who you are. Taken from my book Unfolding Souls Oman McCullough-Fuqua 

I WILL NOT HIDE

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I Will Not Hide

My mind unfolding, my mouth expressing

words to all Mankind. My soul does not shelter the misery of pain;

I don’t fear life any more I’ve paid the price of misery and fear to remain sane.

I will not hide the pain I have endured people don’t need to understand my anger; I must understand and set it free. I’ve paid the price of anger to the utmost degree

I will not hide

I allowed myself to be mentally bound long enough.

Our ancestors were mentally and physically bound;

they didn’t have the freedom of choice.  Love freed their soul;

but they were forbidden to express. Not in words or on paper.

They were put through the ultimate test.

I will not hide

The love that was passed down to me that brought them through

over three hundred years of slavery. For me to be here—speak out or shout;

I will not hide!

“The Middle Passage”

(Slave Ships) was my rude awakening.

Cheers! To my Great Ancestors’

who endured the ride, the slave Ships, and the Slave Masters;

Hallelujah! Grandpa and Grandma and

The Declaration of Independence

I have the freedom to express me like my Descendants.

I say what I want to say. Freedom of Choice

to look people in the eyes and talk my talk.

Write what I want to write, sing and dance all night.

I ride in the front of the bus, and the back of my limousine without a fuss.

 Walk through the front door of any public building or restaurant;

I am my Fathers seed,

I am human, I am civilized; I eat human food; like anybody else.

I use the bathroom; I wash my hands, and exit through the front.

Above all the above facts; I have the freedom to vote, and free mental slavery.

No matter what the struggle may be in my life; I must maintain my freedom

handed down to me. Our ancestors paid the price so we could live free

I will not hide; because they fought and died

I love this poem because I hid that I was sexually assaulted. I hid that I was in pain. I come from a loving family and was too ashamed to let them know what I had been through. My healing process came in so many amazing ways. First, I begin to read about other people’s life stories and my life didn’t feel so bad. Second, I begin to write poems down on paper that I had been holding in my head for 10 years and I felt so much lighter. Many of my poems didn’t have a ending and I gave them a positive ending. Third, After reading about my Black History I became the beautiful person my parents taught me to be. I owned my values and principles that in my past I had never stood up for and so much more. I found me, and begin to walk in my shoes and take my place as a strong Black Woman in this world. Taken from my book Unfolding Souls

Writing Heals the Soul

 

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In my book Unfolding Souls (haven’t been released yet) I was 16 years old in the beginning of the book. At the end I was 30 year’s young. As I look back at those years what saved me from depression and the mental pain of being abused was my poetry. In my darkest moments my mind was creating still. I was to depressed to write my words down and would hide poems in my mind. I lived in my head for 10 years. My Passing the Pen Campaign is all about urging victim’s to write their pain down on paper and get it out of their heads, it’s weighing them down. Get out of your head and stop taking everything so personal, everything is not about you. Every abused person are at different levels of healing because it’s a process.  My total recovery came because I allowed my recovery to come. I repost Pity Party and Playing the Victim Card, for me. I post it on my page because it reminded me of where I come from with my pain and where I am now, I wrote a poem in the book call Pity Party Club Emancipation and that poem means the world to me. I was mentally free from pain, and it wasn’t any more pity parties for me. I stood flat-footed in a coffee house in Downtown San Francisco California and poured my heart out reciting my poem and brought down the house. Going through the healing process is a celebration because many victims of abuse are not living. Many will never allow recovery to happen. Pity Party Playing the Victim Card is a wake up call, a reality check for all recovering victims to stay focused, face your pain and don’t get lost in it. Stay on track and free yourself; fully recovering is possible.

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I KNOW JUST WHO I AM…. ego tripping is gooood

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I really appreciate peace in my world. I didn’t know I could possess something so special. Even though my parents house was peaceful and loving. My inner peace was hard to come by in my younger years and now peace runs my life. The pain and drama in the poem comes from my past. The meaning of this post is, peace of mind exist. No matter what’s going on in your life you have to create a peaceful existence, a peaceful mind, and a peaceful heart with healthy surroundings. Life is what you make it. Peace ✌